Opening Session – 19th Annual At Home Dads Convention
Tao of parenting.
Kids are life yearning for itself.
We do not want to control our children’s will.
Punishment is done to a child, discipline is a process.
I am I, you are Thou. Celebrate our common humanity.
“That comment was beneath your intelligence.”
Tongue Fu! by Sam Horn
Nothing justifies meanness.
Scorpion TV Show – Monday Night, CBS
Kids who are different in their brilliance.
Read this! http://time.com/3106170/robin-williams-dead-dick-cavett-suicide-depression/
In a technological age, kids need to be:
Teach kids manners not etiquette.
Don’t be discriminatory:
Tell kids to “Stand strong” not “Stand Tall”.
Do good because good is good to do.
It’s a short walk from schoolyard bullying, to harassment, to genocide.
The best compliment you can give a child is “Thank you”.
Three Cs of feedback for kids.
Big C and three R’s
rest / relaxation
recreation (re create yourself)
With toddlers/preschoolers, provide healthy foods in good quantities. Let them eat what they want from that supply.
Don’t force feed. Don’t make them finish.
Find at least one meal a day to celebrate with your kids!
Allowance is for one reason:
So kids can learn how to spend money, save money, and give to those who have less than you have.
Bribes and threats, rewards and punishments bankrupt the spirit of children.
The kid who needs a party the most, is the one who doesn’t earn it.
If the worst thing you can call a boy is “sissy” or “girly”, what is that teaching our boys about girls?
Sexual bullying is the number one form in middle school, high school, university, and the workplace.
What’s the root cause? Misogyny.
We need to be playful.
Kids are worth it
If I wouldn’t want it done to me, I won’t do it to a child.
If it works, it must leave my dignity and the child’s dignity in tact.
If a parenting tool doesn’t work for you, don’t use it.
Where are you coming from philosophically, as a dad?
All I can do in an hour and a half is irritate you, but that’s what I want. I want to irritate you like an oyster. When an oyster gets irritated it either creates a pearl or dies.
Strong willed children are easier in the later teen years because they think for themselves.
Give kids age appropriate, ability appropriate choices
responsible, resourceful, compassionate human beings
how do we do it?
Dads don’t babysit! We parent!
3 Things we need to teach our kids
I like myself
I can think for myself
There is no problem that can’t be solved or overcome
We need to teach our kids how to think not what to think.
You can’t control anyone who is bigger than you or has a bigger mouth.
Winning at parenting without beating your kids.
Not corporal punishment, but power struggles
30 hour course in 1.5 hours!
Kids closest in age
Welcome and Introductions
What can we do to encourage play?
Play with them
Don’t over schedule
Leave them alone (supervised)
Make things fun
Anything around the house can be a toy… not everything around the house _should_ be a toy
Smart phones and tablets do NOT provide practice for fine motor skills/ pinch grip
If you are present, engaged, interactive; screens are not bad
If you use it as a babysitter, that’s not good.
Is an iPhone a good toy?
length of time
if it’s appropriate
physical world is better
can impact sleep cycle
they can break it
What makes a good toy?
3. Well build
5. Age and Child appropriate
1. Comes from within
2. No outcomes expected
3. No right or wrong
5. It’s a right
Interactive chat room.
5 Practices to help kids grow.
Very important to read/talk to babies in the womb.
About the age of 7, that speed starts to pick up.
When you give a child (0-6 years) an instruction or ask a question or tell them something, it takes 5-7 seconds to process.
When our kids make macaroni necklaces, it seems useless, but it is good for fine motor and pinch grip.
Anything telling a story with a child is “reading”.
Reading doesn’t mean just sit and read a book.
Focus on reading
Alberto Pellicer – Denver Public Library
Play is Serious Business